Dear Abby

I have a brilliant idea.  (nope, not arrogant...I've been learning there is a difference between confidence and arrogance).  My idea is that the next time you find yourself freaking out about what to do with your life and what in the world you should do with this or that situation....you know, your spilled coffee, or the person who won't ever stop talking to you, or the ex that you know you shouldn't talk to....that you take your own advice.

I realized today that I can give pretty good advice.  Somehow though, every ounce of that wisdom flies out the window as soon as I fly off the handle.  I don't want to admit that I know exactly what I should do, because it's hard.  It doesn't always feel good, so I go asking other people for advice in the hopes that they will give me an easier alternative, something that tickles my ears.  But,  deep down, in sticky situations, I know exactly what I need to do, if I just step back and pretend it's my friend coming to me, I know exactly what I would tell her to do.  

My bet is that I'm not alone in this and that you might have some wisdom to share with yourself as well.  I'd like to point out, that if we all can take some deep breaths, go for a walk, and think about what you would tell a friend, you might have some pretty great advice for yourself.  What do you think?

My disclaimer:  this wisdom works much better if it comes from a place of love for others, a commitment to doing what is best and honorable in the sight of Jesus.

Oh...and I love this song.

Amnesia Prone

Three weeks ago I was in a hay bailing race. Yep.  For the record, this was as amusing to watch as it sounds.  We had to race down a field pushing this hay thing that's bigger than all of us, spin it around a pole and race back.  With every step I became convinced that the field was truly growing longer and longer and more sure I really needed to begin lifting weights.   I had NO idea those things were so heavy.  With hay flying in my eyes and hay scratching my arms, I came away with some battle wounds.  (and last place) The worst of all were these nasty splinters, at least 15 in each hand, some so small that I couldn't get out.  Over the next two weeks they were a constant reminder of my race and a constant annoyance as they hurt, looked infected, and seemed to be incredibly slow at healing.

Every day I had those splinters, I was hoping they would heal, and desperate that they would.  They looked really gross.  Today, I suddenly looked down at my hands and realized I hadn't thought about them in over a week.  To my surprise, all my wounds were gone and I hadn't even realized it!  There was not even one mark to remind me that hay bailing was a true story.  As soon as the pain was gone I went back to life as normal, I had never even stopped to be grateful for the healing my hands had received.

I know that story can sound super dramatic, but I never realized how much when your hands are blistered and splintered it can affect little tasks and be this thorn in your side.  It made me think about how amnesia prone I am.  We all get wounds, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual.  Some heal so that we don't even remember we ever had them, others become scars that are a constant reminder of a battle we survived.   To me, the wounds on my hand and my lack of realizing they had even been healed contrasted with my desperation for them to get better is a perfect example of my spiritual life.

When I have wounds that need healed and things are tough, I'm desperately on my knees begging for healing, but then when things get easy, and my wounds aren't so fresh, I instantly forget that He answered me!  Yet the things we have scars about....we don't let ourselves forget those.  I don't even remember what used to hurt once it's been healed.  I have healing amnesia.  I don't want to have amnesia any longer.  Amnesia causes me to miss out on some awesome opportunities to give glory to our God.  Thank you God, for having mercy even when I have amnesia of your goodness.  What about you?  Do you suffer from amnesia? Hopefully, you're amnesia immune.

Communication

Every moment we're awake we're communicating messages to everyone around us.  The question is not if we do it, but rather how.  The question is if we are communicating well, or poorly.  The question is what messages we are sending and if they correctly represent what's going on.

Communication isn't only talking.  Talking doesn't necessarily mean you communicated something well.  Just because you told me something, doesn't mean that when you walked away I understood what you said.  If I look at you and tell you I love you, but my tone conveys anger, and my eyes hatred, which message will you believe?  Often, the messages we send non-verbally are the ones that are true rather than the words we say.  After all, how many times when you were little did you lie about not eating the cookies, but those dang-gone crumbs on your face, fear in your eyes, and a burp gave you away?

The importance of good communication has really been on my heart.  The importance of adding a few extra words in a text message so that it doesn't come off as if I'm being short with a person has hit me.  The value of stopping what I'm doing and looking someone in their eyes and standing up to greet them has hit me.  When our actions mirror the words we are saying "It's so good to see you!"  suddenly it is believable and not just the generic thing to say at a high school reunion 15 years later.

The problem with good communication is that it takes that thing that most people say they don't have enough of: time.  But, I'm here to say that we truly have been given enough hours each day to do everything that we are expected to do.  Perhaps, we need to invest more time in fewer things and do those well, such as communication.

It takes time to stop, to ask clarifying questions when we didn't hear or didn't understand.  It's easy to just smile and nod while the speaker seems to ramble and we are wondering what in the world they're trying to say.  But, it's just as much the listener's responsibility to bravely ask questions until they understand as it is the speakers job to clarify.  Perhaps, poor communication shows that we don't value the other person?  Or that we don't value our own words and understand the importance?  Perhaps, it shows we don't know how to slow down.  The irony is that poor communication creates more work in the long run, which takes up more time.  It creates sticky situations, hurt feelings, and misunderstandings which take at least twice as long to work through compared to if we had taken the time to properly communicate what we were trying to say all along.

I detest generic.  I very much dislike fake.  For those around me, I'm working on being better able to communicate with you.  My family talks a lot...but we don't necessarily communicate well.  So, bear with me as I learn how to listen, pause, and respond rather than react.  Take the time today to stop, clarify, and make sure you're communicating the correct messages.

Age

If someone had told me when I was six, that mommy and daddy didn't really know what they were doing and were still learning as they went, I would have shaken my head in disbelief.  It's so true though!

When I was a little kiddo I thought that adults all knew what they were doing, had their act together and were confident.  This, however, as you probably already know (you're smart) is incredibly far from reality.

As I've stepped into adulthood my eyes have been opened over and over again to how fourty year olds, sixty year olds, and every other age sometimes are figuring things out just as much as I am.  I'm not in any way discounting the wisdom that can come with age.  However, I've met plenty of people twice my age who have somehow missed the lessons to be learned and instead have chosen foolishness.

So, what's my point?  I'm not quite sure.  Well, that's not quite true.  I suppose my point is to not be intimidated by anyone older or younger than you because the truth is, that age doesn't necessarily determine someone's stability, wisdom, or confidence.  Some of the most insecure people I have met have been 60 year old men who decided to not learn the lessons they could have along their life journey.  So, have grace.  Don't accept someone's word as gold simply because they're older, don't underestimate yourself because of your age, and take every opportunity you have to learn a lesson and gain wisdom.

Idealizing dehumanizes

Have you ever had someone introduce themselves to you because they had heard about what you do before they ever heard who you were?  Have you had someone come up to you and say they can't believe they finally get to meet you, they think you're incredible and doing so much good, and they've heard all about what you do?  (for the record, this isn't necessarily my own experience, but my observation or spying on others)

I usually watch as the person receiving this compliment begins to look a little stressed out at how awesome the other person thinks they are because of what they do.  I mean, talk about pressure to be as awesome as that person perceives you to be.

To be completely honest,  (which I shall be because that was my new years resolution), sometimes amazing people intimidate me.  Ridiculous, right?  I agree.  That's why I'm processing this via a blog entry.

 I've thought about this for many hours this week on train rides to and from Chicago.  And 5 minutes ago I finally had the epiphany moment where I realized that I'm not necessarily intimidated by the person, but the person I project upon them to be.  I become intimidated by the amazing life they appear to lead.  I realized that if we only characterize and categorize people by what they do(even if it is good that they do) then at some point we take away their humanity  if we don't see who they are at the same time.  If we never see them spill their coffee(or milk), stain their new white shirt with spaghetti sauce, stub their toe, cry, laugh, joke, we separate the person from their very humanity.  Which means, we aren't even seeing the other individual as a human anymore but as this idealistic persona of a hero that we have projected upon them.

I had plenty of chances to work through this thought process and emotions I experienced this past week.  I went to a conference called Ideation and bumped into person after person who was pursuing justice, social good, and fighting to empower others.  It was an incredibly beautiful experience.  The most beautiful part?  Not what these people were doing but simply who they are created to be.  

The theme of the conference was "Be Human."  In a world where social networking online builds more of our relationships than face to face interaction, we are hungry for opportunities to be human.  We are hungry not to work in an assembly line, not to live in a keep up with the Jones' mentality, but to BE human.  As I looked around me and listened to amazing stories of providing water, shoes, food, etc. for people who don't have those things readily available I thought about this.  I thought about how as important as it is to do good and to live a life of giving away, it is just as important to BE as it is to do.  And, on top of that, I might just say that if you're doing all of the good in the world but your heart is empty and character lacking, then that is absolutely tragic.

So, thank you to people of substance I had the privilege of eating and talking with this week.  Please know that although I respect you for the ventures you lead and the people you are caring for in your non-profits, I don't define you by what you do.  You are defined by who you are when no one is looking, and that is a tremendous, freeing truth.  Don't idealize other people too much, you'll just stress them out!

Overload

Ideas. Ideas. Ideas.  Ideas. Ideas. Ideas. Ideas. Ideas.
What if...maybe if...what would happen if...

Anyone's mind hurting yet?  Mine is. Social entrepreneurs are amazing.  (for those of you who wonder what that means, it means an entrepreneur who is pursuing a dream for the good of other people, and including justice in that adventure).  I sit with my mind swirling as I listen and read what these people are doing.

The fact that someone has a dream or a crazy idea, and then actually DID it amazes me.   These people weren't all geniuses by nature.  They just took one step forward at a time because they believed they needed to.  They broke the big idea down into manageable bites.  They didn't know how to do what they needed to, but they asked, weren't scared of failing, took some risks, and somehow ended up where they are now.

 I've been around a lot of talk about ideas the past week.  So much that my head is saying PLEASE stop thinking!!!!!  But, I have to process this a little bit first (and then I'll listen to my fried mind). I've had some good ideas in my life time.  As have you.  The question is what happened to them?  Did you follow through with it or did you push it away to the point you don't remember the good idea you ever had to begin with?  What is it that causes some ideas to survive and fight through and others to die before they were even given a chance.  Is it the idea itself, an insecure person, or a mix of soooo many factors?

So, some questions
1) What would make an idea worth pursuing for you?
2) Why haven't you pursued the ideas or dreams you've had?  Does it have to do with fear or insecurity?
3) How can we help each other by making a safe place to bounce crazy ideas around?

I can think of couple of ideas that I've had that were really awesome and now years later I think they maybe might work....But how do you know when it's something to truly pursue?! Does it have to burn in your heart like crazy until you can't help but pursue it or is it more of a practical, decision?  Pray for confidence and direction to overwhelm the insecurities and uncertainties that try to hold both you and me back.

love debt

I think this says it all.

"Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another,  for he who loves his fellow man has fulfilled the law.  The commandments "Do not commit adultery, do not murder, do not steal, do not covet, " and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: "Love your neighbor as yourself."    Love does no harm to its neighbor.  Therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law.
     And do this(love each other like you have a debt to love them)  understanding the present time.  The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed(wow)  The night is nearly over; the day is almost here.  So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light.  Let us behave decently, as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealous.  Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus christ and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.

This passage wrecked me this morning and last night.  It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.  I know I've read it many times before....but the parts in italics hit me like never before and I couldn't help but scream it from the rooftops (or type frantically into the blog).  The idea that I have a continuing debt to love you as my brother or sister, put love into an entirely new category.  I'm so excited to love like that.   The reminder that we need to wake up from our sleep...that the night is nearly over, the day is almost here, reminds me how sad it would be if I kept sleeping and missed what God is doing on this earth.  Here's a video I thought went perfectly.